I have demons in me.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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