you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
