I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
