lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
