you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
