i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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