You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize