I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
