Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
