If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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