this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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