sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
