her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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