I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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