I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
