Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
