What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize