Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize