So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
