my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
