how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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