This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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