Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
