I just saw a hot homeless man
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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