We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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