Cold hands, warm shart.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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