i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
