So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
