i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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