i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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