Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
