OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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