I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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