Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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