he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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