eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
