Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
