the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
