finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize