yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
