I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize