I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize