I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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