Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
