What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
