Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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