Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We talked him into tasing himself.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
