Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
