Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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