I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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