You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
