I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
