I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
