I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
