Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
