I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
