My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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