Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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