he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
