my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
