im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize