She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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