i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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