Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Randomize
