did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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