A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
wow bdsm is so cute
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
