My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
