I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize