can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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