we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
