Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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