I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
