but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
